Friday, November 10, 2017

Becoming Einherjar 2


 



Good Morning,

     The sun is shining NOW, and the sky peeks with its icy blue gaze from between the cold gray clouds as a crisp fall breeze stirs cold green needles and the remainder of the turning leaves. Hot green tea in my mug sends steam to meet the cool air above creating the shape of a Toroidal vortex at the edge of where hot and cold meet illumintaed by Sol's cloud filtered rays shining through my dining room window. Magical activity to my right in an innocent cup of tea, and in front of me through my big picture window, and all around and through me as I draw in a deep lung full of Ond. Against all probability I am alive and exist in this moment and hopefully a few more, as I inhabit my temple and focus on how greatful I am to have yet another chance to work my will and write my saga. Write I will for this is NOW and I am working on, creating, listening to my voice, fulfilling my mission, and purpose, realizing my reason for being, and living my life in the hope that I will inspire others to do the same.

    Do I know it implicitly? Can I see it in my minds eye? My finished masterpiece. A tapestry of effort, time, and hopefully a few moments of inspiration mixed in with a few bouts of divine madness? Yes, hopefully some of that, coupled with the long slog of hard repetitive effort. Straining my minds eye, sometimes I can see it, but it is has never yet been in clear focus. Maybe just over this ridge in front of me, or one of the many after. I will stand on top and all will be laid out clear before me. Crystal clear with no uncertainty, doubt, regret or illusion, nothing unkown. All crystal clarity.

     I have chosen a direction and a methodology. You are reading part of it now I will think and meditate and listen and look and write. I will strain against and overcome resistance in all its forms. I will feel its full weight and become stronger for it or die trying. I will energize and nourish my efforts both physical and spiritual with quality fuel. I will ritualize and document this ritual of the process of preparing and consuming this fuel and nourishment for the very act thereof is profound spiritual and indicative of the process of life and overcoming, and becoming more. My mission and intention of doing this is that  I hope to inspire and help others to do the same, and by so doing increase honor and respect for our Gods, Ancestors, Folk, and Selves.

    One foot in front of the other daily despite whatever obstacle, resistance, challenge, or opportunity to do anything else presents itself. I will follow this path and create as I go and grow. It will be imperfect, sometimes I will crawl, sometimes I will run, sometimes I will fall, be crushed, battered and utterly broken and beaten. The lowest of the low. I will curse myself and the Gods, and existence. Then I will soar efortless and weightless until the next crash. Then I will crawl and run again. Ever onward Sometimes higher, often times lower. Ever onward. Around the next bend, over the next mountain. This journey is mine. I have chosen it as much as it has chosen me. Sometimes there will be companions and fellowship along the way. A soft place to lay my head. A brief respite. But not for long as the journey must continue and sometimes companionship and fellowship and comfort reveal themselves to be obstacles and resistance. Sometimes glory, recognition, fame, and grattitude will warm my face fleetingly. Sometimes a clear vision will present itself where eveything makes sense for a time. But such things are illusive and rare, and often just plain illusion, and they will fade quickley leaving me with just the journey, the path and the methodology. Self doubt, delusion, wounded pride, battered self, physically and spiritually broken, crushed ego, grief, mourning, ultimate defeat, darkness, a profound loss of comfort. All of these will come calling at one time or another, perhaps all together. They will all make me want to crawl into my safe warm Turtle's shell and be safe in the illusions of comfort, security, sameness and mediocrity. “They wont be able to find me in here”, as the semi of fate, pulling the trailer of reality bears down on my fragile soon to be flattened state of self delusion pushing me into the uber illusion of Impossible, Improbable, Impenetrable, Ludicrous and just plain Hard. From these depths I cannot see the top of the wall of resistance that my focus on everything outside of myself and my control has constructed for myself. At these points in time the high road will be lost, but the journey will continue one step at a time.

    There will never be enough thanks, never enough gratitude, never enough comfort, never enough recognition, and never enough respite commensurate with my efforts, and my sacrifices, but this is the way of being  a man so I will never expect these things, I will do it because I am a man and that is what a man does. He fights until the bitter end and then some because that is why he exists as a man. There will only be me and this path, this direction to go in, and this methodology, and my divine self as guide. No one will save me, this is all there is, and only now in which to travel. So I will crawl and run and fall. I will embrace it all with wide open arms and mad laughter on my lips for I would be a part of the divine comedy. Flawed, scarred, broken, infintesimal, a chip off the old block, a microbe, a nano particle. A mere spark of the great roaring inferno, but a spark nonetheless, shining as brightly as I can in the great void of nothing and everything. Give me fuel and Ond and watch what happens. Never greater than anything, or anyone except all that I was yesterday which I sacrificed fully and completely to the best of my ability in the anticipation of all that I will become today. Then, I will sacrifice all that I have become today to the best and fullest  of my ability in anticipation of what I will become tomorrow. There are no guarantees, only intention and fullness of effort to the best of my ability. There will be no perfect state, only profound but fleeting utterly beautiful moments. Glimpses of what could be, but promises of, and in the future are only illusion. There is only NOW and what is happening NOW, and my focus on, and my assessment of, what is happening NOW. There is only the path, the journey and the methodology.

    As I travel and have become aware of this journey, I notice the darkness gets progressively darker, as if my embrace, and attention makes it more so, but also the light in equal measure, and then I notice that both, as do all opposites,coexist, and make my journey and experience thereof more profound. I realize that if I reject one I also reject the other and ultimately myself. One must embrace all to get the whole experience. Opposites meet in the middle, merge, and become something else all together but always part of the whole, the all, the overarching Logos or tendancy toward life, and the existance of life, and overcoming, and becoming more, ever increasing and expanding. I can't pick and choose it. I can only accept its existence and embrace it.  Its the whole thing or nothing. To limit my embrace of all that is, is to limit myself, and my experience. To truly love life we have to love all of its aspects and embrace and learn and be changed by them as we remain ever ourselves.

  I turn to look back over my path thus far, and realize that I am only marginally progressed from my starting point, my hard won altitude is sometimes lower and sometimes higher, but I fully embrace overcoming, and becoming more. NOW in this moment is where I exist, so perhaps I am somewhat higher.
 
    This journey is and will be the very epitome of humanity, and the envy of immortal beings everywhere who can never experience our briefness of being. The profundity of experience available to us through the sheer magnitude of our briefness of being, and of that which we must overcome to even begin to manifest the slightest workings of our will, and to create the slightest bit of order from chaos is what makes us most enviable, and gives our lives the most meaning. When you cannot die, profundity of experience, realization, and discovery are forever and infinitely beyond your grasp. But perhaps in some small measure they experience through us. So I embrace my struggle in becoming more and hope that my example in doing so will inspire you to embrace your own struggle thereby honoring our God's Ancestors and Folk.
 
It is and always will be our focus on the little things NOW, that will make up all the parts, and actions necessary for a grand and triumphant Saga. It is also that focus on NOW, and what we can do NOW, which will eventually make all the sheer magnitude of the forces of Impossible, Improbable, Impenetrable, Ludicrous and just plain Hard, arrayed against our efforts become small, insignificant and manageable in our triumph. Hail Life!
 
 
What will you do NOW to embrace your struggle and begin to become all that you can be? What will you sacrifice to become more?  What will you eat? What will you focus on NOW where all the power is?




Thursday, October 12, 2017

Becoming Einherjar


So, "Good Morning"!  Morning Pages, here we are again in the same place we have been so many times before (not often published, but from now on). Hanging out on the page talking about whatever wants to come out. Listening to whatever the voice inside my head (I call him my inspired/creative self  because it sounds less crazy) wants to tell me. No judgement, no censorship, no secrets, no lies. Not with myself. I have suffered for this but I will continue this habit, without fear, without excuses. I will write. I will paint pictures with words I will listen to my divine self, my creative self.

I can feel it even now, again, that old familiar feeling call it what you will, but I have named it given it a lable. That old, shitty, curmudgeon raising his hoary, old, gray, head. The old, tired, grumpy, burned out, no adventures, no passion, me. I name him Grendel and he is well and truly illustrated in the Saga Beowulf. He is the me too old to do things, the one who knows everything about the world and is pained by that knowledge and prefers not be a part of it. Writhing in pain and lashing out and crushing anything good or fun or adventurous, or loving. Anything that reminds me of how miserable and powerless I really am. The one who judges every one and everything and at the end of the day is justified but exhausted, and burnt out. The one who couldn't or wouldn't start anything new because the world was ending anyway. Running around with a knot in my throat, and rising blood pressure about all the things I cant fix and change, all the people who just won't act right. Catering to beliefs that are not my own. Pissed off about politics that do not represent me, or what I am about. To terrified to even attempt. Sick in my soul about conspiracies not my own and not for me. Fed on "news" whose focus is about someone elses agenda, and what they want me to believe and feel about the world around me so that my fear and despair would consume me and I  would reflect this sickness and misery further onto the world around me. Separate from who I am, where did I come from, what am I about? Why am I in this crazy world and why cant our government represent its citizens and make our lives better? Why am I so downtrodden and tired at the end of the week? That guy who I feel starting to question, and scoff, and stifle my creativity, and my desire to build a brave new world for myself and mine, and for my fellow Einherjar who are of a like mind. I can always feel Grendels presence just as I am contemplating taking some sort of action to make my life better and make the world a better place. But now I know him, and like Beowulf I will crush him with might, passion, and right action.

I have decided, aided by my inner voice (who I have decided to trust implicitly as having my own best interest in my mind), that my previous religious, political, and worldview no longer serve me, and will not make this world any better. I will focus on my own, and my ancestors and my peoples beliefs. I have discovered ASATRU, or the belief in the gods of the Germanic Pantheon, and the honoring of our Ancestors, and their way of thinking. Taking our ancient ancestors wisdom, and our metagenetic inheritance and making it applicable to me and my life.

Not sure how I ever had the time or energy to subdue Grendel, and listen but I thank the Gods, the Runes, my Ancestors, and my daily meditations on these things for breaking me out of my trance. Yes, I, scoffer of all things mystical have started meditating, doing cauldron work, learning about and meditating on the Runes. As a result, things have started coming into my life. Books, seminars, conversations, thoughts, dreams, passions, creativity, and a burning need to emulate the way of being represented by our greatest Ancestor Odin who is the ultimate Archetype  for learning and becoming more. Each of us of northern  European Germanic heritage have this archetype as well as all the other gods and goddesses as archetypes or abilities or tendencies within them. Different people have different affinities with different deities, or archetypes just as there are different personalities and focuses and qualities among people, but it is all their for us if we choose it. I feel blessed to have discovered my affinity for Odin and his way of being, but all the archetypes have strength, overcoming, becoming more, and passionate, purposeful, existence at their common core. Creativity, passion, focus on ones self, ones family and ones tribe as being paramount to survival. Life for our ancestors was all about hard survival. It was a constant struggle not chosen, not sometimes but always back breaking soul rending effort just to eat and have shelter and survive, but yet there was also passion, striving, and overcoming as part of a joyful sometimes abundant existence, and a lust for life. 

 This world, this Global empire of nothing is on a trajectory of destruction, and there is nothing I can do except take control of myself, my focus, and my life so that I may reflect my positive, powerful influence upon this runaway freight train that is our current socio political shit show of a world we live in today.



I leave you with a powerful realization I had while getting ready to post this..

Fear marketing is big business. It is magical. Get enough people to be negative on life and powerless to do anything about it and you turn the world into a fearful mindless easily enthralled, and controlled marketplace. Then sell em anything you want that will help them cope with their fear (Marketing basics here people). It is the sole purpose and function of the News media, and Entertainment industry, all news is marketing. Programming at the click of a button, now go buy some more worthless shit, that will only make your sadness and sense of despair grow deeper.

Make your own news. Turn their shit off and do something to make yours and your peoples lives better.




Monday, July 10, 2017


Took a trip down to the swimming hole under the old 49er bridge on Sunday evening. While there my creative self started talking telling me things that were greater and more beautiful than I could ever come up with on my own. and so the Poem Yuba 1921 was born (see below). I hope I can share a bit of my experience in this beautiful place with you in some small way. Hail All-Father Odin, Thank the Ancestors, Hail Life!




Yuba 1921
Cool blue-green water flows with gentle roar over torrent smoothed stone; Ripples capture days last light glittering like diamonds; Light show interrupted by jagged crags and boulders, Granite jutting in granular solidity from cool dark depths; Wild Grapes climb, vines winding, reaching toward tree carpeted horizon; Swallows dip, cutting across reddening twilight skies like drunken arrows, sure in flight but erratic in destination; This scene all framed by hard angular arches, mans contribution compliments an already perfect landscape; Bathers seeking asylum from the inferno that is July, long awaited respite in cool silky embrace; The spirit of the Yuba slides sensuously over heat scorched skin and soul.
Still enmeshed, hypnotized by the monotonous treadmill of day to day life at first some fail to experience fully the grandeur that surrounds and envelopes one like stepping through a portal and into a masterpiece; By inexorable osmosis the gentle spirit and beauty of the place like moisture through the pores calms and cools, bathing away the mundane and ordinary, the heat and stress; Even the most socially aware are loosed from the fixating glare of gadgets and status and fall under its spell, made somehow peaceful, quiet, and more whole; Blessed to discover that here and now in this place, all is beauty

The magic of nature cannot be ignored.

Saturday, May 27, 2017

A New Day

Light streams over the mountain- Sol lamp of Odin soon to rise.

Ond stirs the trees - Day takes it first breaths.

Black gives way to the riotous colors of nature.

Birds sing- The first Hail Day!

 Another day of consciousness and breath - Already a victory- Another chance to work the will on Midgard.

Thoughts take flight- Like newly awakened Ravens- Wings straining ever higher into the great beyond of becoming.


   The preceding poem is something that came to me following my morning cauldron work (found in "A METHOD OF TRANSCENDENCE IN THE GERMANIC TRADITION" by Steven Mcnallen),  and then meditation on the rune Sowilo. I have roughly been following the Rune work laid out in the "Nine Doors of Midgard" by Edred Thorsson and I am currently opening my second door As I have been learning/ working with the Runes, and meditating on them, I have felt and discovered lots of things. Books come into my life, discussions, thoughts, voices, seminars, seemingly unrelated events that cause me to say  "OH, now I get that"! And now, poems ( I don't generally think I am very poetic so I am hoping this is somewhat of an exception to the rule).

   I now know with a certainty that the Gods, the Ancestors, indeed the Magical Will of the multi-verse speak to us and let us feel their presence through the runes. They can teach us much about ourselves, and why we are here if we will but take the time to calm and silence ourselves and listen. Our inner multi-verse reflects outward and creates its mirror image in the outer multi-verse. The dysfunction and strife that we see in the world today is but a reflection of the inner state of its inhabitants This is why the struggle of learning what the self is, developing it, and learning to control it is all important. Inspiration is available to all of us if we will but listen. I hope the poem speaks to you in some way as it did to me.

Hail Life!

Monday, April 17, 2017

The Power To Choose, Its a Beautiful Thing.

   Today, April 17th is my birthday and the marking of a period of time. I choose to see it as having grown another year wiser, more experienced, and having learned to do more things more efficiently in order to better enjoy and get more out of my life experience Rather than focusing on getting older, I choose to focus on getting better. My mind set is focused on concentrating only on things that I actually have control over so that I  can exert my efforts in these areas to actually make my life better. Also discovering what I don't have control over has drastically reduced my stress levels and allowed me to focus on things that are important to me and my life.

   State of mind or mindset, or frame, if you will is totally under our control. It means we decide what things mean. Our interpretation of things and deciding whether they are good or bad, positive or negative, or supportive of our life mission is totally within our control. For example, today on my birthday it is raining. Now since I have introduced myself to being aware of my mindset and deciding what things mean, maintaining my frame if you will, and focusing on my mission I could be upset that I cant do things on my birthday. But, 1. I don't control the weather and 2. I choose to be exceedingly grateful to have a dry, warm, cozy house to sit in with big beautiful windows  to observe all the watery, green, fresh, beautiful abundance, and the burst of new life that is spring going on outside. 3. this gives me the perfect  excuse/opportunity to follow what I have been wanting to do and create something lasting and hopefully useful that will last far longer than I will. Words on a page. So there you have one of the major lessons for me this year. Control what is in your sphere of control, assign  meaning to things and always focus on your mission of doing things that make your life better. Maybe focusing on getting wiser instead of older is just the thing we have been missing.

   As anyone who knows me will tell you, Physical Fitness and lifting heavy Iron is part of who I am as a human being, and is part of the stated focus for this blog. The expression for this passion of mine is competition in the epic sport of Strongman. This past year, as have most has been filled with challenges, or opportunities for growth as I now call them. I tore my meniscus and flipped it over while doing some HIT training with the intention of conditioning or increasing my cardio capacity and reducing my 1.5 mile run time. Everything felt great and I turned it up over 80% and accelerated into the corner and BOOM flop flop flop! Blew a knee. This bit of Irony launched me into some deep belly laughs despite the pain and I hobbled back to my truck for a trip to the ER, and to reevaluate my training plans. Some knee surgery and rehab later, I decided I would compete in California's Strongest Man and proceeded into my contest preparation training. That preparation was my hardest ever and rapidly devolved into a shit show of little nagging injuries and performance far lower than what I expected of myself and I let the old mindset get pretty negative. I started using my age as an excuse and was having some pretty serious doubts as to whether I was up to the task maybe I was too old and needed to retire from the sport I loved with a religious fervor.  I decided to take control of my mindset again and stop being a pussy. I realized once I started focusing again on my sphere of influence, or got back into my frame that, Hey Dumbass you had knee surgery less than 8 months ago you had to learn to rehab that injury and train around it and all the other little injuries, carry on despite doubt and self loathing fear and diminished performance, and now you have the privilege again to celebrate all that by competing in the sport you love. You get to compete against the best of the best and yourself. Helloooo? Celebration time your knee feels better than it has in years, you will guaranteed set some PR's, and get to hang with your fellow warriors in the Strong Man community who are by the way, some of the finest human beings you will ever have the privilege of being associated with.

Results:

270lb Log Clean and Press 0 reps. Need to focus on initiating the press right away don't hold on to it so long.
Keg Toss over 15.5 feet 5 of 6 gassed out on # 6. Didn't train for this at all maybe practice it next time.
Farmers Carry 275 lbs per hand 88 feet PR. Always my least favorite event, need to work it until it becomes my favorite.
Tire Flip 1200 lb tire, 4 flips PR Keep working on and improving efficiency and strength for this event.
Stone Load loaded up to the 350 lbs stone, glute starting its thing so I stopped. I was not in the running for a podium finish and risking another injury made no sense. Continue to work stones to improve.

I don't know how many other almost in a few weeks 47 year olds were there but it was a kick ass celebratory day for me. I  also got caught  up with my Strong Man buddies so Winning!

This is what happens when you choose to feel wiser instead of older and control what is yours to control and ignore all the Shite that isn't in your sphere of influence. I hope that you will join me today in celebrating the beauty and potential of life here on earth.

Hail Life!

Sunday, February 19, 2017

I Am A Viking

I am a Viking. It is a realization that has slowly been dawning on me my entire life. When I was younger it was a cool badass imagery of my ancestors being large powerful individuals with wild manes of  flowing hair and beards under horned helmets biting their shields and striking terror into their foes hearts with raised axes and swords, taking what they wanted and leaving their marks upon the landscape of history. Then as American Globalist, Feminist, Consumerist indoctrination slowly took its toll my fascination with my ancestors gave way to work, marriage, family, making ends meet, being able to afford more stuff. Couple that with being made to feel as though there is something inherently wrong with being white, male, and loving my country, and I was left with a case of who am I and what am I doing here. "White Americans have no history or culture" we are told. We should apologize, bow down, and embrace every other culture but our own, and by all means keep buying more shit you cant afford so you can impress others you don't even know or like. Also just keep watching and reacting to the loaded agendas, and programming that we will feed you in the guise of News and Entertainment. Anything we can do for you to keep you numb and blind to the innate power, and control that you have to create your life your way for you and yours.

Being done with the morass of other peoples feelings, wants, and desires for me, I am know learning from and listening to my ancestors for they are of another world, time and place. This mysterious attraction too or pull towards all things Norse is no longer just something cool or hardcore but a part of who I am at a genetic level. It is a thing/force that is simultaneously great, dark, awful, and terrible, yet also blindingly bright, and achingly beautiful. It is an intuitive wellspring of passion and emotion and of ice cold clarity. it is who I have always been and always will be. I am a Viking and that means that I am expanding my Ancestral Inheritance and following the example of our (Northern European/ Germanic peoples) greatest Ancestor Odin the All-father who clearly exemplified that the only way to become more is to continually sacrifice all that you are in order to become all that you can be.

In this blog I will share a part of my journey my thoughts and my experiences as I learn more About ASATRU which means the worship of the Gods of the Germanic Pantheon, and how to apply it to my life as a modern Viking. I have always had a passion for Reading, Writing and so finally as a middle aged adult I am doing something  about it. I intend to improve as a writer and offer something useful to myself and to the reader.