Thursday, October 12, 2017
So, "Good Morning"! Morning Pages, here we are again in the same place we have been so many times before (not often published, but from now on). Hanging out on the page talking about whatever wants to come out. Listening to whatever the voice inside my head (I call him my inspired/creative self because it sounds less crazy) wants to tell me. No judgement, no censorship, no secrets, no lies. Not with myself. I have suffered for this but I will continue this habit, without fear, without excuses. I will write. I will paint pictures with words I will listen to my divine self, my creative self.
I can feel it even now, again, that old familiar feeling call it what you will, but I have named it given it a lable. That old, shitty, curmudgeon raising his hoary, old, gray, head. The old, tired, grumpy, burned out, no adventures, no passion, me. I name him Grendel and he is well and truly illustrated in the Saga Beowulf. He is the me too old to do things, the one who knows everything about the world and is pained by that knowledge and prefers not be a part of it. Writhing in pain and lashing out and crushing anything good or fun or adventurous, or loving. Anything that reminds me of how miserable and powerless I really am. The one who judges every one and everything and at the end of the day is justified but exhausted, and burnt out. The one who couldn't or wouldn't start anything new because the world was ending anyway. Running around with a knot in my throat, and rising blood pressure about all the things I cant fix and change, all the people who just won't act right. Catering to beliefs that are not my own. Pissed off about politics that do not represent me, or what I am about. To terrified to even attempt. Sick in my soul about conspiracies not my own and not for me. Fed on "news" whose focus is about someone elses agenda, and what they want me to believe and feel about the world around me so that my fear and despair would consume me and I would reflect this sickness and misery further onto the world around me. Separate from who I am, where did I come from, what am I about? Why am I in this crazy world and why cant our government represent its citizens and make our lives better? Why am I so downtrodden and tired at the end of the week? That guy who I feel starting to question, and scoff, and stifle my creativity, and my desire to build a brave new world for myself and mine, and for my fellow Einherjar who are of a like mind. I can always feel Grendels presence just as I am contemplating taking some sort of action to make my life better and make the world a better place. But now I know him, and like Beowulf I will crush him with might, passion, and right action.
I have decided, aided by my inner voice (who I have decided to trust implicitly as having my own best interest in my mind), that my previous religious, political, and worldview no longer serve me, and will not make this world any better. I will focus on my own, and my ancestors and my peoples beliefs. I have discovered ASATRU, or the belief in the gods of the Germanic Pantheon, and the honoring of our Ancestors, and their way of thinking. Taking our ancient ancestors wisdom, and our metagenetic inheritance and making it applicable to me and my life.
Not sure how I ever had the time or energy to subdue Grendel, and listen but I thank the Gods, the Runes, my Ancestors, and my daily meditations on these things for breaking me out of my trance. Yes, I, scoffer of all things mystical have started meditating, doing cauldron work, learning about and meditating on the Runes. As a result, things have started coming into my life. Books, seminars, conversations, thoughts, dreams, passions, creativity, and a burning need to emulate the way of being represented by our greatest Ancestor Odin who is the ultimate Archetype for learning and becoming more. Each of us of northern European Germanic heritage have this archetype as well as all the other gods and goddesses as archetypes or abilities or tendencies within them. Different people have different affinities with different deities, or archetypes just as there are different personalities and focuses and qualities among people, but it is all their for us if we choose it. I feel blessed to have discovered my affinity for Odin and his way of being, but all the archetypes have strength, overcoming, becoming more, and passionate, purposeful, existence at their common core. Creativity, passion, focus on ones self, ones family and ones tribe as being paramount to survival. Life for our ancestors was all about hard survival. It was a constant struggle not chosen, not sometimes but always back breaking soul rending effort just to eat and have shelter and survive, but yet there was also passion, striving, and overcoming as part of a joyful sometimes abundant existence, and a lust for life.
This world, this Global empire of nothing is on a trajectory of destruction, and there is nothing I can do except take control of myself, my focus, and my life so that I may reflect my positive, powerful influence upon this runaway freight train that is our current socio political shit show of a world we live in today.
I leave you with a powerful realization I had while getting ready to post this..
Fear marketing is big business. It is magical. Get enough people to be negative on life and powerless to do anything about it and you turn the world into a fearful mindless easily enthralled, and controlled marketplace. Then sell em anything you want that will help them cope with their fear (Marketing basics here people). It is the sole purpose and function of the News media, and Entertainment industry, all news is marketing. Programming at the click of a button, now go buy some more worthless shit, that will only make your sadness and sense of despair grow deeper.
Make your own news. Turn their shit off and do something to make yours and your peoples lives better.